take your love with you to Budapest

Dear friends

Looking very much forward!

Quick question: are double-room prizes 60-70 EUR/room/night OK?

One more thing: you might feel like reading the big classic text on love, the one Kristin touched in her mail, from the bible somewhere, from here: http://bibleresources.bible.com/Blovchpt.php

warmly and curiosly :)

Kati

Perspectives on 'Love' and 'Resilience'

Yesterday Kristin and I bought our tickets to Budapest. We arrive on the 26th at 12.20 and leave on the 30th. So now we are on our way.

We have had a long Christmas break. First we travelled to Norway to see Kristin's family. Then we spend an evening full of joy, tango and good food together with friends. And then we travelled to the southern part of Denmark to spend Christmas with Paul's family. New years eve we were on our own having a party for the Gods.

Here are different perspectives of 'love' and 'resilience' I experienced during those weeks.

When we went to Norway we saw that Kristin's sister Turid is now well. On March 23 she had a transplant of bone marrow because her body did not produce blood. She has gone through some very tough months. Her body suffered and her mind too because she wasn't certain to live to see her son grow up. And not once did she complain or make herself small. Her strength and resilience was astonishing. I think of how much love is in her and around her and how it manifests through resilience.

Both Kristin's and my parents are growing old. It seems that the men a little faster then the women. Both couples have been married now for around fifty years. And they support each other and care for each other despite of illness, impatience, loss of memory and other challenging things that come form growing old. Resilience and love grow old together.

When I travelled back to Aarhus after Christmas I read Haruki Murakami's collection of essays about: "This is what I talk about when I talk about running". My daughter Mikkeline gave it to me. Murakami tells that when he was young he ran a night club. Suddenly one day he knew that he wanted to write a novel and he decided to do it. This led him to an impressive carreer as a writer. He also suddenly knew that he wanted to run. And he started running - at least one marathon every year. He is not a natural runner, but when he is on the track he never walks. If he died know what he wanted his tombstone is: "At least he never walked". For Murakami this attitude is deeply connected to being a writer. As a novelist the relationship that matters most is the relationship with his readers. And in order to honor that relationship he needs talent, resilience and persistence more than anything else. (The smaller the talent is the more resilience and persistence he needs.)

I think more perspectives can be discovered in writings about intrinsic motivation:

Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior (Perspectives in Social Psychology) Edward L. Deci, Richard M. Ryan

Looking forward to seeing you all!

Much love

Paul

Love

I'm thinking about our meeting. We're fortunate to be staying with Paul and Kristin in Aarhus, so there will be time to talk about things with them, but in the meantime here's some thoughts from me, prompted a little bit by my thinking about my forthcoming three days of workshops with the Kaospilots students, where I want to introduce the 'love' idea.

Here are the elements I'm playing with.

The two key elements for success (in small business, perhaps elsewhere) are (a) persistence and (b) resilience. 'Talent' counts for something, but not much.

I’m less interested right now in 'ideas' and ‘having an idea’ – whether it’s a ‘good idea’, or an ‘original idea’ or a ‘niche idea’ or whatever – and much more interested in persistence and resilience – in other words, the value of work …

… where commitment to the work is founded on love.

Jimi Hendrix took his guitar to parties, he played it on the toilet, he fell asleep with his guitar on top of him. He loved it. When he was awake, he was practising. We only bring that kind of commitment to a skill or a task if we love it.

A question I’ve begun to ask my training customers and coaching clients: do you genuinely love what you do, and if you don’t, what would it take for you to achieve that? (Because if you don’t love it, you won’t have the persistence and resilience to do those 10,000 hours and become expert at it.)

Deliberate practice

Practise and practise and more practise is the key contribution to becoming an 'expert' (let's say around 10,000 hours, over a period of 10-15 years)

We don't practise (and practise and practise) unless we *love* what we do

What does 'love' mean in this context?

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Sanskrit has 100 words for 'love', to denote differebt contexts and levels of meaning

1 a?gaja (love) 2 ana?ga (love) 3 ana?galekha (love) 4 anurakti (love) 5 anurañjana (love) 6 anuraga (love) 7 anuragavat (love) 8 anuragin (love) 9 anuragita (love) 10 anurati (love) 11 anurudh (love) 12 apahnava (love) 13 apa?ga (love) 14 abhikam (love) 15 abhimatata (love) 16 abhihary (love) 17 ayugmasara (love) 18 avasada (love) 19 avaskanna (love) 20 avyapyav?tti (love) 21 aspanda (love) 22 aka (love) 23 asaktabhava (love) 24 iraja (love) 25 i (love) 26 isvara (love) 27 ujjvala (love) 28 utka??hita (love) 29 utkvath (love) 30 unmadana (love) 31 ka?jasu (love) 32 kañjana (love) 33 ka?ak?avisikha (love) 34 kantu (love) 35 kandarpa (love) 36 kandarpakupa (love) 37 kam (love) 38 kamra (love) 39 karva (love) 40 ka (love) 41 kanti (love) 42 kama (love) 43 kamena (love) 44 kamaya (love) 45 kame (love) 46 kamakeli (love) 47 kamataru (love) 48 kamatala (love) 49 kamadamini (love) 50 kamadahana (love) 51 kamadeva (love) 52 kamadevatva (love) 53 kamadevamaya (love) 54 kamadhva?sin (love) 55 kamabaddha (love) 56 kamaba?a (love) 57 kamamañjari (love) 58 kamamardana (love) 59 kamamaha (love) 60 kamamuta (love) 61 kamamohita (love) 62 kamarasa (love) 63 kamavat (love) 64 kamavallabha (love) 65 kamavasa (love) 66 kamavasya (love) 67 kamaviddha (love) 68 kamasara (love) 69 kamasalya (love) 70 kamasastra (love) 71 kamasutra (love) 72 kamagni (love) 73 kamagnisa?dipana (love) 74 kama?kusa (love) 75 kamatura (love) 76 kamadhi??hita (love) 77 kamanala (love) 78 kamandha (love) 79 kamayudha (love) 80 kamari (love) 81 kamarta (love) 82 kamarthin (love) 83 kamasrama (love) 84 kamasakta (love) 85 kamasakti (love) 86 kamonmatta (love) 87 kamopahatacitta?ga (love) 88 kamaya (love) 89 kamita (love) 90 kamitva (love) 91 kamin (love) 92 kamuka (love) 93 kar??i (love) 94 ki?kira (love) 95 ki?kirata (love) 96 kunta (love) 97 kusumakarmuka (love) 98 kusumaba?a (love) 99 kusumamarga?a (love) 100 kusumayudha (love)

(For fuller definitions, see http://www.lorinroche.com/word/word/love.html

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Another thing: a blog entry I just posted: Love Signals Real

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References for Deliberate Practice

Title

The Talent Code: Greatness Isn't Born It's Grown

Author

Daniel Coyle

Publisher

Arrow Books, 2009

Title

The role of deliberate practice in the acquisition of expert performance

Author

Ericsson, K. Anders; Krampe, Ralf T.; Tesch-Römer, Clemens

Publisher

Psychological Review: Vol 100(3), Jul 1993, 363-406.

Title

Toward a science of exceptional achievement: attaining superior performance through deliberate practice.

Author

Ericsson KA, Nandagopal K, Roring RW.

Publisher

Ann N Y Acad Sci. 2009 Aug;1172:199-217.

Title

From the Guest Editors: How Do Experts Learn

Author

A. Mark Williams and K. Anders Ericsson

Publisher

Journal of Sport and Exercise Psychology, 2008, 30, 653-662

Title

Cognitive functions of the cerebellum explain how Ericsson's deliberate practice produces giftedness

Publisher

High Ability Studies; Vol 18, No 1, June 2007, pp89-92

Title

Deliberate practice and expert performance: defining the path to excellence

Author

Paul Ward, Nicola J. Hodges, A. Mark Williams and Janet L. Starkes

Publisher

London: Routledge (2004)

Title

Tracing the Development of Athletes Using Retrospective Interview Methods: A Proposed Interview and Validation Procedure for Reported Information

Author

Jean Côté, K. Anders Ericsson, Madelyn P. Law

Publisher

Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, Vol. 17, No. 1. (March 2005), pp. 1-19.

Title

Success is all in the Mind

Author

Shelley Gare

Publisher

The Australian newspaper, January 24, 2009.

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And you will notice that I'm now copying Anne van Otterloo, our Dutch friend, into the conversation. I'm not sure how she will fit with our group, but my gut tells me she will have a lot to contribute

Best wishes - we'll be seeing you very soon!

Mxx

Why I like this, in the context of this blog:

• When I first saw it I was touched deeply. It was our young friend Louis today, who had just given each of us a massage, on his way out the door, who brought up the link.
• It goes to men's need to define themselves in a feminizing world. (Ketan was typically provocative about Scandinavian men, accusing them of being emasculated ;-))
• It goes to the value of the masculine principle in a personal and professional relationship

Kasey Chambers, covered by Spooky Men's Chorale

Am I not pretty enough

Is my heart too broken

Do I cry too much

Am I too outspoken

Don't I make you laugh

Should I try it harder

Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me

I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break

I crave, I love, I've waited long enough

I try as hard as I can

I laugh, I feel, I make believe it's real

I fall, I freeze, I pray down on my knees

I hope, I stand, I take it like a man

I try as hard as I can

The talk about being couples, resilience, improvisation etc. reminds me of this video from TED. The main point - to me - is what we focus on. Like in this presentation how do we listen in a world getting louder and louder. How do we chose to focus and on what in a world where possibilities are popping up all the time.

Only when you love ...

Our Skype conversation inspired me to share a curiosity I have. It is about "resilience" and "love".

We talked about ideas that spring from the circumstance that we are three couples and that we all work with growth; of people, businesses, capacity, ideas, relationships and consciousness.

Resilience and love came up.

They are certainly important qualities - both when it comes to living as a couple and also when doing the kind of growth work that we do. And somehow they seem to be related. Resilience and love talk together, maybe depend on each other.

My curiosity is about learning how we can use love to make what we care about more resilient.

It has something to do with the inner state from which we operate and how we relate to the world around us. And I am sure we can inspire each other and learn from each other. Especially while sitting together in front of a fireplace in beautiful Budapest covered with snow.

(I took the picture in Heathrow airport when travelling to Brisbane in 2009 to see Michael and Ludmilla. Maybe it can teach us something.)

Sundry notes from our skype meeting, 2 October

The value of exchange - what we have to share, what we have to learn.

Affiliation (belonging) and validation (personal meaning).

Relationship(s).

Balance.

Love.

Resilience.

Improvisation.